“We're Teaching Kids to Hold onto the Body Autonomy They Already Have.”
5 Age-Appropriate Activities to Try in Your ESD Class
We are all born with the ability to make our needs and wants clear. We are born with the ability to say “NO.”
We cry and scream. We hold up our hands. We demand.
We know what we do and do not like.
And as toddlers and little kids, we don’t really question the fact that we’re the bosses of our own bodies. We don’t want to be held? We squirm. We don’t want somebody to dress us in an uncomfortable piece of clothing? We protest. We don’t want to eat a certain food? We spit it out.
Over time, however, thanks to messages from the world that make us think otherwise, along with the struggles that come with growing up, we start to question that reality.
That is why our job as empowerment self-defense (ESD) instructors isn’t to help kids develop a sense of bodily autonomy.
Rather, it is to help kids hold on tight to the sense of bodily autonomy—and the innate ability to defend it—they already have, while helping them develop more mature and age-appropriate ways of expressing themselves.
Below I will share five ESD activities designed to help children maintain their sense of bodily autonomy (with the support of their trusted grown-ups) and understand the concept of consent.
Note: Many of these activities are designed for children aged 5 to 7 to be carried out with the support of parents or trusted adults, but can be adapted for different age groups, or for use without the participation of adults.
1. Routines, Power Posing, & Consensual Good-Byes
Because routine gives us such a strong sense of security, I like to start every class session with a self-esteem boosting poem or cheer (like this one) and end each session with a consensual good-bye.
How to implement routine, power posing, and consensual goodbyes:
Choose a poem or cheer that promotes self-esteem (some kids have been known to refer to these as “theme songs”) to recite at the beginning of your session, preferably one with accompanying movements. Encourage the kids to be loud. (“Did you see those grown-ups working at their computers when you walked in? Make sure they can hear you!” Or, “Let’s make sure the teachers all the way up on the third floor can hear you!”)
After you recite the poem together, let the kids “shake their sillies out” for ten seconds (the more energy they use up, the better).
Count backwards from ten. When you get to one, have the kids freeze in a power pose.
Note: As a bonus, the kids can recite the poems and cheers to themselves whenever they need a boost of confidence. We talk about this during our anti-bullying activities.
At the end of each session, hang up a sign on the door with pictures and/or descriptions of goodbye options, and let the children choose how they want to say goodbye to you.
Note: Letting children decide how they want to greet you is also an option. But it can be complicated when kids don’t all arrive at the same time.
Suggestions:
A high five or buddy bump (with or without physical contact).
A wave.
A punch or kick to a focus pad.
Why it matters:
These seemingly minor routines encourage power and choice, and also help build community.
When I started letting kids choose how they were going to say goodbye, I expected that most of them would want to punch and kick. But to my surprise, that was never the case. All of the options are about equally popular.
This goes to show that kids enjoy having choices, and that their moods change—just like ours do.
2. Traffic Lights & Obstacle Courses
As ESD professionals, we are all familiar with using the traffic light analogy with adults. Using the traffic light with kids is similar.
Here is one way to use the traffic light to talk about touch:
💚 = Comfortable, Non-Secretive Touch
💛 = Confusing Touch
❤️ = Secretive/Uncomfortable or Painful/Scary Touch
Once the kids are familiar with the traffic light concept, and have practiced physical skills such as the hammer fist and bicycle kicks, going through an obstacle course is a fun way to get practice putting these skills and concepts to use.
How to implement a traffic light obstacle courses:
Set up an obstacle course with whatever you’ve got access to (like traffic cones). Depending on the group you have, you may or may not want to use “fun” objects like pool noodles or jump ropes. Make sure to include one red, one yellow, and one green hula hoop.
Go over each obstacle and what the kids need to do at each one. Make sure that the kids all start at different parts of the course to avoid crowding.
Red hula hoop: With you holding a focus pad, the kids practice hammer fists and/or bicycle kicks (with voice).
Yellow hula hoop: The kids stand with assertive body language and practice boundary setting phrases like, “I don’t want to.” Or, they can sing the first few lines of The Boundaries Song:
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Green hula hoop: The kids meet their trusted grown-ups and act out a form of touch that they agree is “green,” like a hug.
3. After the children have been through the obstacle course at least once, have a discussion about how their bodies felt when they were in green, yellow, and red hula hoops (fast heartbeats, a change in breathing, tummy aches, etc.).
Why it matters:
Role-playing is an effective way to reinforce skills, and listening to our bodies is a powerful way to help us figure out how to respond to a potentially threatening situation.
And honestly, obstacle courses are just fun. After a day of school, kids need to move around. Even better if you can reinforce the traffic light concept while they do so!
3. Boundary Bubbles & Hula Hoops
Even for adults, the concept of a boundary isn’t exactly simple, and many of us are not in agreement as to what a boundary actually is. We all have different boundaries, our own boundaries constantly change, and we likely have different boundaries with different people.
So, with so much complexity, how can we help kids identify and defend their boundaries?
There are many ways to explore the concept of boundaries in ESD classes, but I’m personally a fan of the boundary bubble.
A boundary bubble keeps us safe, and changes size and shape depending on whom we’re around, the situations we’re in, and our mood.
We decide what does and what doesn't get through the bubble.
How to implement the boundary bubble:
1. If you’re lucky enough to be teaching in a room with large mirrors, send the grown-up/child teams to trace their boundary bubbles around their reflections. If you don’t have access to mirrors, the kids can stand against a wall or lie on the floor and use their arms to create their bubbles (similar to making a snow angel).
1b. As a follow-up or alternative, have the grown-ups trace the outlines of their kids onto pieces of butcher paper, which kids turn into self-portraits. Then, instruct the kids to draw their boundary bubble around their self-portrait.
Here is a boundary bubble coloring activity that can be used as a follow-up:
After drawing the boundary bubbles, send the grown-ups to one side of the room and the kids to the other side where they will stand in a hula hoop. Encourage the kids to use the tools they’ve already learned (assertive voice, assertive body language, etc.) to keep the grown-ups out (as long as they don’t purposely hurt anyone or themselves).
Tell the grown-ups to do everything they can (within reason) to get inside the hula hoops.
Back in the circle, ask the kids which tools they used. Most of the time, there will be a variety of responses, and it’s always interesting to discuss how everybody used a different but effective and successful strategy.
Why it matters:
For me, the best part about this is watching the thrilled looks on kids’ faces as they realize that they can say no to grown-ups.
4. Sticker Twister
This game is very much like Twister, and can be played sitting or standing.
How to play Sticker Twister:
Put about five colorful stickers (file dots work well) on your clothing or skin, and instruct the grown-up/child pairs to do the same.
Just for fun, ask everyone to touch one color sticker to another [“Touch your green sticker to your pink sticker.”]. The more they have to twist, the better!
Next, instruct the pairs to take turns asking each other, “Can I touch my [name color] sicker to your [name color] sticker?
If the response is an enthusiastic “yes!”, the asker goes ahead. If the response is “no,” or if there is any kind of hesitation, the asker says, “Okay,” and then the pair moves on to the next turn.
Alternative: Instead of a yes or no, a response can sound like, “Please don’t. But if you’d like, you can touch your [name color] sticker to my [name color] sticker.”
Why it matters:
Child safety classes aren’t always just for kids. They’re designed to encourage healthy communication between kids and their trusted grown-ups. This activity is great for bonding and developing trust, and it also allows kids to move around, laugh, and let off steam.
5. Popsicle Stick Discussions
The first time I needed to facilitate a conversation about “bathing suit parts,” I was terrified. It wasn’t the content (as ESD instructors, we’re used to what many would consider “awkward conversations”).
It was the fact that the adults were there, and I didn’t want them to feel I was overstepping.
So I took what I thought was an easy way out. That “out” ended up turning into one of my favorite activities.
How to facilitate Popsicle Stick Discussions:
1. Give each grown-up/child pair a baggie with one green, one yellow, and one red popsicle stick (traffic light colors). Send them off to various corners of the room with a few questions and topics about bodily autonomy and consent to discuss privately. Explain that they can use the popsicle sticks to help illustrate their feelings about various situations, just as they’ve done with the group.
2. When the kids and their trusted grown-ups come back to the circle after their popsicle stick discussions, ask how it went. Assure them that whether or not they share is up to them.
Why it matters:
The first time I did this activity, a seven-year-old raised her hand and said, “It felt really good to talk about these things.” My heart melted.
We all need safe spaces to talk about these things.
Conclusion: Kids are Smart
Even before they know the word “boundary,” kids are completely aware of what they are and are not comfortable with. They often want to talk about things we, as adults, might hesitate to bring up.
The understanding that they have a right to feel and express their feelings and ask questions, and that they are the bosses or their bodies, lasts a lifetime.
Discussions about consent and bodily autonomy don’t have to be scary. In the right environment, these difficult but important discussions can be a relief for the children and adults involved.
Too many of us have had to relearn and reclaim our “NO,” and we constantly see proof of that when we teach adults, or when we struggle to set a boundary ourselves.
As Yehudit Zicklin-Sidikman says, “I truly believe that children who are taught to respect and protect their own bodies will grow into adults who will respect and protect the bodies of others as well.”
The good news is that as ESD professionals who work with children, we have the honor of witnessing and being part of that beautiful process.
What are your favorite activities for encouraging kids to maintain their sense of bodily autonomy? Share with me in the comments!
About Melissa
Melissa Fragiadaki took her first empowerment self-defense (ESD) class in 2016 and was hooked from the first few minutes. Within a year, she was training three or four nights a week. To her surprise and delight, she also found herself working in the field of violence prevention education as a content writer and social media manager.
With over twenty years of teaching and teacher training experience, Melissa eagerly enrolled in El HaLev’s instructor course in January 2020. She now holds certification from El HaLev, and an additional certification from ESD Global with a specialization in teaching children. She loves nothing more than watching kids connect with their inner strength.
Melissa holds a multiple subject teaching credential from California and a master’s degree in Instructional Technology and Media from Columbia Teachers College. She is currently drawing on her experience as an elementary school classroom teacher to adapt El HaLev’s curriculum for child safety classes to meet the needs of English-speaking children in Israel.
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Author: Melissa Fragiadaki
Editor: Toby Israel / Samantha Waterman
Images: Courtesy of Author
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